Serving the other party (and proof of service)

The law requires that your spouse be formally notified that a case has been filed. This is "service of process," and courts take it seriously — skip it or do it wrong and your case stalls, because a judge can't order anything against someone who was never properly told about the case.

Common ways to serve

• Personal service: a sheriff's deputy or a professional process server hands the papers to your spouse. This is the default nearly everywhere and the hardest to challenge later.
• Certified mail with return receipt, where your state allows it — inexpensive, but it fails if your spouse won't sign for it.
• Waiver or acceptance of service: your spouse signs a form acknowledging they received the papers. In amicable cases this is the best route — quick, and nothing is "served on" anyone.

One rule is nearly universal: you can't hand the papers over yourself. A neutral adult who isn't part of the case — or an official — must do it. In many states any adult who isn't a party can serve; in others it must be a sheriff or registered process server. Check your state's rules.

Proof of service

Whoever serves the papers fills out a proof (or affidavit) of service — who was served, where, when, and how — and you file it with the court. Nothing else in your case moves until that proof is on file: it starts your spouse's deadline to respond, and it's what a judge checks before signing anything final, especially a default.

Practical points

• Most states give you a window after filing to complete service — don't sit on it, and expect a server to try multiple times and places (home, work) if the first attempt misses.
• Give your server real information: a photo, a schedule, a vehicle, a workplace. Failed attempts usually mean thin information, not a hiding spouse.
• If your spouse is avoiding service or you genuinely can't find them, courts allow alternatives — substituted service, and service by publication as a last resort. That path has its own guide.
• If there's a history of violence, use the sheriff rather than a friend, and let thehotline.org (the National Domestic Violence Hotline) or your local legal aid office help you plan the safest sequence.

Your state's forms page has the exact documents, and CaseForward offers service of process as an add-on if you'd rather have it arranged for you.