Served with divorce papers? What to do now

Being handed divorce papers is a jolt, even when you knew it was coming. Take a breath: nothing is decided yet. Being served means a case has started — not that your spouse's version of it wins. But a clock is now running, and the worst move is the most tempting one: putting the envelope in a drawer.

Read two things first

Find the deadline and the requests. The summons tells you how long you have to respond — generally 20 to 30 days, though it varies by state and can be longer if you were served out of state. The petition tells you exactly what your spouse is asking for: property, debts, support, and arrangements for the kids. You need to know both before you decide anything.

Your basic options

• File an Answer (some states call it a Response) — a short form where you agree or disagree with each request. Filing it makes you a full participant: nothing gets decided without your input.
• Add a counterclaim (or counterpetition) if you want to make your own requests, not just react to theirs. In many states this also keeps the case alive even if your spouse later tries to withdraw it.
• Negotiate — an answer doesn't make the case hostile. Plenty of couples file the response, then settle everything by agreement.

What happens if you ignore it

Silence has a name: default. Once the deadline passes, your spouse can ask the court to proceed without you — and a judge can grant what the petition asked for, based on their side alone. Defaults can sometimes be undone, but courts don't make it easy. Even if you agree with everything in the petition, responding — or signing a written agreement — protects you far better than silence does.

Practical notes

• The response usually has its own filing fee; if that's a hardship, ask the clerk for a fee waiver.
• Your spouse having a lawyer doesn't mean you need one to respond — answer forms are designed for regular people. For contested custody or real money, though, at least a consultation is smart.
• Your state's courts publish the official response form on their self-help or forms site — CaseForward's state guides at /state link each state's forms.

Respond on time, even imperfectly. Almost everything else can be fixed later; a missed deadline is the one mistake that compounds.