How a divorce actually works, start to finish

Most divorces follow the same basic path, even though the forms and names change from state to state. Knowing the shape of it takes away a lot of the fear.

1. Make sure you can file where you live

Every state requires you (or your spouse) to have lived there for a certain time before you can file — this is called residency. Some states also have a waiting period after you file before the divorce can be final.

2. File the first papers

One spouse files a petition (sometimes called a complaint) that opens the case and pays a filing fee. If you can't afford the fee, most courts let you ask for a fee waiver.

3. Tell the other spouse (service)

The law requires the other spouse to be formally notified. This is called "service of process," and you'll usually file a proof that it happened.

4. Work out the terms

If you both agree on everything — property, debts, kids, support — that's an "uncontested" divorce and it's much faster and cheaper. You write those terms into a settlement agreement (and a parenting plan if you have children).

5. Finish

Depending on your state, you finish by filing final papers, and sometimes attending a short hearing. The court signs a final judgment or decree, and you're divorced.

You do not need a lawyer to do this, but you can talk to one anytime — and your county's court self-help center is free.